What are you running from?

The Big Question: what are you running from?

I was asked this earlier in the week and wasn’t sure how to answer. To be honest, I was thrown off guard. What do you mean what am I running from? It’s a hobby, a form of exercise, a passion, not some deep philosophical way of spending my time.

I brushed off the question and went about my day, but the question didn’t go away. It’s been nagging me all week. And if anything, a real answer slowly formulated itself:

Truthfully, I’m running from everything.

I’m running from the school work I couldn’t finish, the group project I can’t seem to start, the midterm I don’t know how to study for.

I’m running from the friends I haven’t taken the time to catch up with, the parties I’ve missed, the number of hours I have to work.

I’m running from the bills, the bosses, the responsibilities.

I’m running from the self doubt, the stress, the heavy burden of high self imposed expectations.

I’m running from the glorification of busy.

But the question, like the answer, should’ve been two-folded because I’m running towards just as much.

I’m running towards  a more relaxed state of mind that can handle the long list of obligations, financial commitments, everything that comes with growing up .

I’m running towards a sense of composure that can balance the busy, while still making time to live.

I’m running towards behaviors that accomplish goals and the ability to stare at the high self imposed expectations in the face.

I’m running towards a strong,confident version of myself that allows for self-acceptance, a version of myself who works for a healthier lifestyle, a version of myself who loves who she is inside and out.

I’m running towards contentment, inner peace, and the ability to see all the blessings I have.

Honestly, I’m running from everything that holds me back in an effort to run towards everything I want.

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